Change

Happy New Year! As we welcome 2015, it seems as though so many have made their resolutions, setting goals, and striving to live a “better” life this year (which can be translated in so many ways). I know I’m a bit behind the curve, but I’ve been reflecting a lot over the last few weeks, reading mommy blogs about goal setting, financial blogs about getting out of debt, foodie blogs about simple ways of eating cleaner, Christian blogs about setting a one-word goal for the year…

It’s that last bit that has sparked my interest: a one-word goal. Hmmm? What exactly does that look like? Focusing on one word throughout the year and really embracing all that it might mean?

And rather than choosing a word for myself, it seems as though one word keeps popping up on my radar:

CHANGE.

Change has chosen me. Yes, I realize that change is a part of every single year. It happens constantly, like it or not; we are all subject to it. And yet, I keep getting this nagging feeling that this year I’m supposed to recognize it, accept it, and even (gasp) embrace and welcome it. Sounds so cliché. But I truly sense the Holy Spirit nudging me to notice changes in myself, in my marriage, in my children, in my circumstances. Some of these changes will simply happen, some will hopefully be the work of the Spirit in me, and some I must proactively seek.

Change.

It’s already happening all around me. My heavily pregnant belly has changed rapidly over the last few months. In just 3 short weeks (or even sooner), we will welcome a tiny new addition into our family. Eager with anticipation, I can hardly wait to meet her, but I know that she will bring about so much change in our lives and the lives of our children. A family of 7 to a family of 8. Five girls to six. The little sister will become a big sister, no longer the baby herself. And the biggest sister will take on more responsibility as she tries to help me care for the baby. (And believe me, this is self-imposed, not mommy-imposed; it’s just how she’s wired, just like me.) Our lives will grow messier yet again, burp rags galore, pacifiers abounding, blankets everywhere, and bouncy seats and baby gear to stub our toes on once more.

Change.

And just as our house will get a bit smaller, so has our mini-van! We no longer all fit in it! Yes, we’ve moved up to a 12-passenger van this year. Can you believe it?! Can I believe it? According to my title and registration, I officially drive a bus. A BUS! And you know what? It’s really great. The girls have tons more space, we can haul other people around with us (like grandparents and friends), and it rides really well. Did I ever, in a million years, think I would be saying these words, especially given our infertility history? Absolutely not. This is one change that I certainly wasn’t looking forward to, and here I am realizing how much better it is already for my family. A huge blessing.

Change.

There have been some other major changes in our household recently as well. The triplets turned 4 at the end of November. Annabelle, Madelynn and Chloe have grown up so much, even in the last few months. I can’t believe how big they are, how just one year of growth makes such a difference. In preparation for the new baby to arrive, we needed to upgrade the cribs-converted-to-toddler beds that the girls were still using. On the last night in their little girl beds, I snapped this picture.

As I snapped shots of them all together, I couldn’t help but feel reminiscent. I left the room full of utter joy and at the same time, crying. Small, quiet tears. Because I remember bringing the triplets home, so tiny that they all fit into one crib quite easily. Because my babies are growing up so fast. Because I don’t want to miss a moment of it. Because I am grateful to experience these moments.

The next day ended with this:

Brand new big girl bunk beds, perfect for my girls who could not even fathom the thought of moving into separate rooms!

This meant a change in the nursery as well. Lydia’s room now houses her crib and another, awaiting the child growing in my belly, the one that she and her sisters kiss repeatedly throughout the day! And with the arrival of a second crib in her room, Lydia has learned to climb out of her bed and into the baby’s bed. Oh, the time I’ve already spent trying to teach her not to climb in with the baby, and the baby isn’t even here yet! It will most certainly be interesting to see how she adjusts to a roommate, especially one who wakes up to eat in the middle of the night. Will this work?

Just yesterday after intently watching our sweet Lydia (who is about to turn 2), my husband said to me, “It seems like she’s grown 6 months in the last 2 weeks!” And that says it all.

Change.

How could I speak of change and not talk about our oldest daughter, Emily, too? She’s six-going-on-sixteen. A first grader. She lost her front teeth early in the school year, and they have been nearly fully replaced already by her big girl teeth. I can’t believe it! She is still a sweet, innocent little girl, unashamed to laugh and love and be silly. But I see glimpses of a much bigger, wiser girl coming out of her. Sometimes she says the most profound things, and I am amazed. Yet within five minutes, she may have a sudden teenage-like hormonal response to something petty. It’s maddening and hysterical all at the same time. I see her changing before my eyes, and I am so hopeful for her future.

I’m absolutely stunned at how blessed I feel to have been given the privilege of raising these children, and yet I realize the weight of this heavy burden to raise them all well, showing them love, teaching them how to be loving adults, pointing them to a Savior who is so much better than me.

I don’t want to change who they are, but I hope to help shape them into who God created them to be.

THIS is an important job. THE MOST important job.

Change. I realize that I do have a choice in this. Change will happen inevitably. (I’ve even talked about change here.) But my choice comes in how I respond. This year, I am going to consciously choose to recognize change and, cliché as it is, embrace it. I want to see my children, each one for who she is now and for who she is becoming. I want to actively change my marriage for the better. (Not that it’s bad, but we all know things can always be better!) I hope to find ways to change some of those nagging habits that I don’t like so much, and replace them intentionally with better things, like more prayer, daily Bible study, caring for others, writing more, developing my business… Now I’m starting to sound like I’m making resolutions.

Perhaps.

But the point is, I can choose change for the better. I can notice change around me. And I can change, through grace, in love.

I find so much hope in this: my God, who never changes, longs to do something new in me.

²¹ Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, ²² throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. ²³ Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. ²⁴ Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

-Ephesians 4:21-24 (NLT)

And this:

Behold, I will do something new,

Now it will spring forth;

Will you not be aware of it?

-Isaiah 43:19a (NASB)

I intend to become aware of it this year. Will you notice with me?